Today started out okay. New classes new faces. I'm just so depressed. I was doing great, it'd been since mid August. I was ready to "get better" I've been up and down. No one know's what's going on and I really don't have time to tell the story over again. Let's just say sometimes I'd rather not see the things that people say behind my back. One day, I believe I will come to terms with this and I will be fine. I believe that one day I will be able to look in the mirror and see beauty. It's just I don't know who to belive in situations like these. Who do you believe the one who you trust or the one that barely knows you, but can be brutally honest. It's been six long years. Since seventh grade. I really hope that I get to go to Indianapolis this weekend. I just need to get away from all the familiar faces. Even if it's only three days. Bulimia has ruined my life, it's left a mark once again on the seventeenth of November. This means I start over. All because of the words I saw. People don't understand this kills me. People don't get you can't joke with me about food. People don't understand for the past six years I've been trying to see myself as beautiful I was at four months without throwing up anything and now I start at day one again. So I just want to say thanks for saying i'm "ridculously fat" I hope you feel better about yourself because you just did a wonderful job of tearing me down. I don't feel it worthy to say who you are. We all have problems some bigger than others, this one is my biggest. It's a monster. A horrible monster. I go to the doctor Thursday, i'm sure i'll be told everyone slips. I just want a balance. Right now, food is the enemy and I am the one fighting. Tomorrow is day one?
*Relapse is different for every indvidual I didn't write this for sympathy, I wrote this to simply calm myself down. I'm not one to want sympathy. I just really want to be alone.
-Samantha J.
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