What's up?

AUGGIE THE DOGGIE

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Oliver Sykes this week! Saturday in Ohio. I'm really pumped. It's a five hour car ride. I have to help Michelle clean out her car Friday night. Kylie's making bummpin c.d.'s, Hanah's getting my ticket and I'm paying her back. Hanah got a new puppy named Auggie, he's a shitzu maltese. I love it. We spent the whole weekend playing with him. I love Hanah so much, puppy watching wouldn't be the same with anyone else. This week needs to fly by. I get to see Justin Friday for a bit. He has SAT's Saturday :( Tonight is the Britney Spears special!

-Samantha J.

Turkey Lurky

Today is Thanksgiving. Seven days from now Oliver Sykes. My rough draft is due Monday in Adv. Comp.

Family, and food yeah. I'm ready to hear about how much better my aunt's family is than mine. How her daughter is just the best. My uncles are pretty funny. I've been sick so i'm ready to eat. Ready to chill. Tomorrow is black friday, Hanah and I are going to hang. Pretty happy, I hate be copued up in the house all the time. Went to Indy last weekend and had a blast. The best part of the whole weekend was Friday night. Hanah's but rubbing skills, and just being crazy to "Let it Rock", I always tend to remember those moments most. Michelle begging for fries was pretty priceless through. I need to get my tan on. Baked like a turkey :) Job, Burlington Coat Factory here I come. I want three things for christmas: To go to the Bring me the Horizon concert, a laptop, and my DropDead hoodie. Then i'm good. For my birthday i'm getting the Blackberry Storm. I want a new scarf too, AND a febreeze candle. I don't know what i'm doing for new year's, getting crunk. Chillin with the ladies and gents. I just want to have a lot of fun. I've never done anything fun for New Year's, last year I stayed home and made a new myspace. It's almost time to start getting ready. I know one thing i'm going to be looking cuter than anyone in the family today. I need to start this rough draft. Life titles: Untie the knot with porcelain teeth or Stay awake little owl. I don't know what my soundtracks are going to be yet. I'll keep you posted. ~HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

Samantha J.

Great Heights

The car rides back always hold the most tension. The honest conversation and the opinions that are just meant to help. I'm sick :(






This weekend was :/ :)


-Samantha J.

Heavy hearts

I love my boyfriend, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. We've been together almost five months and I couldn't be happier. He's brought me out of my comfort zone and helped motivate me in various ways. He's honestly one of the only things that matters to me. I would do anything for him. I know that he's going to smile when he reads this. He puts up with me in my bad moods and when i'm just "grumpy". He's managed to stick by my side through some rough times. I don't know, it's love. This was short but I just felt like this was necessary. Justin I love you more than you will ever know. Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever. We're going to live in a shack get married and be in love, and I can't wait. You're my everything. Thank you for making me a better person each day.

(:

-Samantha J.

Don't feed my violence

Today started out okay. New classes new faces. I'm just so depressed. I was doing great, it'd been since mid August. I was ready to "get better" I've been up and down. No one know's what's going on and I really don't have time to tell the story over again. Let's just say sometimes I'd rather not see the things that people say behind my back. One day, I believe I will come to terms with this and I will be fine. I believe that one day I will be able to look in the mirror and see beauty. It's just I don't know who to belive in situations like these. Who do you believe the one who you trust or the one that barely knows you, but can be brutally honest. It's been six long years. Since seventh grade. I really hope that I get to go to Indianapolis this weekend. I just need to get away from all the familiar faces. Even if it's only three days. Bulimia has ruined my life, it's left a mark once again on the seventeenth of November. This means I start over. All because of the words I saw. People don't understand this kills me. People don't get you can't joke with me about food. People don't understand for the past six years I've been trying to see myself as beautiful I was at four months without throwing up anything and now I start at day one again. So I just want to say thanks for saying i'm "ridculously fat" I hope you feel better about yourself because you just did a wonderful job of tearing me down. I don't feel it worthy to say who you are. We all have problems some bigger than others, this one is my biggest. It's a monster. A horrible monster. I go to the doctor Thursday, i'm sure i'll be told everyone slips. I just want a balance. Right now, food is the enemy and I am the one fighting. Tomorrow is day one?

*Relapse is different for every indvidual I didn't write this for sympathy, I wrote this to simply calm myself down. I'm not one to want sympathy. I just really want to be alone.

-Samantha J.

Everybody's

Today was the last day of first trimester. Alot of the seniors graduated in November, it's so bare. May 31st, 2009 i'll be out of high school and hopefully preparing for college in the fall at Saint-Mary-Of-The-Woods. I've wanted to be a teacher for a long while, I just never thought i'd be good at it. Then I realized that I love kids, and I am really good with them. I'm pretty bummed because there's this intership 3rd trimester to go help teach at the school of choice for whatever grade. I want to teach Kindergarten through 3rd grade, i'm going to get my degree for k-8. My heart is set on teaching Kindergarten. Justin backs me a million percent of course (: I can't wait until tomorrow. St. Mary's all day for an open house. It should be pretty fun. I need to get on scholarship essays. I take the ACT in December. Really I never though i'd be preparing for something so big. i'm really proud of myself. Tonight hanging with Hanah, I think we're going to go out to eat. I know I need to turn in my applications to Limited too, and DEB. I need to pick one up from Bath and Body Works and Jeffery Alans. I also need to finish filling out my Sunfactory application. Busy busy these days. I can't wait until next weekend, and the weekend after. I know if I put in my apps like today most likely i'll be working "black Friday". Hopefully I get my phone fixed tonight. Back to the teaching thing, I was talking to one of the sweetest girls i've probably ever met in my life, and it;s funny because she's going into teaching at Ball State in the same area. We were talking about all our little lesson plans, and how'd we have fun activities for holidays. It's pretty neat to think that in just a few years that will be reality. I have my heart set on being with Justin for life. We've had the "future" talk and it's all good. I know he wants to go into biology and adventually be a doctor. Living poor until like 28 is fine with me. I'd rather be madly in love and poor than rich and unhappy any day. We have all these big dreams. I'm not even a bit scared, worried, afraid. I'm satsified.

-Samantha J.

Friday's

So i'm sitting in Sociology class and we're doing this Veteran's day project. The whole thing is kind of mind blowing. I think i'm going to ask Grandpa if he would do an interview. He's a good man with a heavy heart and solid values. Every time we'd have bring your grandparent's to school day everyone would always say "Sam your grandpa looks like Abraham Lincoln". I couldn't help but laugh. He's a little Indian man no more than 5'5'. He's been through a lot, raised by Great grandma Ruth and his dad who I really know nothing about. He reminds me of my own father. Same morals, values. Both bone breaking hard working men. They once owned a business, where they worked on cars; extremely blue collar. That's the country in me, the Nascar loving daughter and granddaughter. :) I grew up around my grandparents and at one point in my life lived with them. Even then being only 6 and 7 my all was expected. Washing the dishes spotless, and sweeping until the floors would sparkle. The values my grandfather instilled into my father were once again instilled in me. Grandpa was a Vietnam war veteran, and I know his experience was more than chilling. It's the one thing that we never really discuss, almost like a silent burden. If i could get behind his eyes and witness the things he did, I'm sure I'd be just as different as him. Vietnam lead him to alcohol- alcoholism, lead him into a world of pain, self doubt, shame. It's sad really someone who gave so much, left behind three babies, a wife and a life in the United States. Traveling only to harm people just like him. If I ever got him to open up and let me into to what happened, I know it'd be this unheard bond between. This is why I am choosing to interview him for this project. I want to know, I want to feel, I want a taste of what he went through. I know that what I get won't scratch the surface of what he's been through; what I do know is to try. He's my family, an important person. Even though the war was so long ago it's almost as he still fights it everyday. A mark place where this man once stood. A mark placed on his arm. Only to remembered as one of many who fought in the war.

Richard Buck Sr.
Vietnam Veteran.
My grandfather.
(I'll try to find some pictures)

-Samantha J.

Winter coming

That would be Kyria, she's nine. I love her to death. A couple years back she moved to California. Her mom is a good woman, her dad well he tries. I've been there from the beginning. I've taken care of her since she was months old; I consider her my little sister. I miss her so much, even though she's so small she's the one that listens the most. She wipes my tears and she's always teaching me something new. She's got this energy about her and it just amazes me. I can't wait until December, she'll be back. Christamas shopping, seeing christmas lights, and making the yearly snowman. She brings out the best in me, and even though she doesn't know it shes my un sung hero. I love you Kyria, with everything that I am.

-Samantha J.

Cavanaugh Park

This year has flown by so fast, it seems just yesterday I was waking to January 1st, 2008. Now it's November. So much has happened and for the recored grasping it all has been hard. The downfalls and the pick up's bring both pros and cons. I've lost friends and gained one or two. I've given up the fight and shed more tears than I could even imagine. This year has been one of great change and vast decision. i've been beaten down and taken advantage of. i've had some of the best times just simply doing nothing. I had an actual job that I liked for that matter. I've gotten the chance to have a realtionship with one of the most amazing men i've ever met. Everything is caving in and I feel like i'm just waking up. I'm taking this eternal walk to the end of no existence.

-Samantha J.