More lemons, no lemonade

Truly a series of events that shape shifting. Well where do I begin? My dad's been sick again, for the first time in my life I heard him scratch that. Watched him look me in the eyes and tell me he's worried and he thinks something may be wrong. He was oh so right. He has a blood infection in his colon, not sure how he got it but I know that he's laid off on the drinking. I was supposed to be in West Virginia and it's heart breaking because if I would have been there yesterday as planned I could have held Baby Kay while she fell. She got kicked out of her own band and I know that it was heart breaking new for her to hear. She loves playing shows, and she loved those guys. I know she can start a new band and I know that she has the ability to do so. My mind is so cluttered it's like I can't even find time to think. I have so much to do in three month period. Then summer brings a little relief well up until july then it gets hectic again. Preparing to move and finding a new job. Also college, Liberal arts major. I'm drained, tonight's date night with the lady :)

-Samantha J

Faulting

Everything has been so flustered lately. I just feel so out of place, it's like everyone has this judgement about me yet I can't put in my say. I hate the way I've been feeling about myself lately. I can't even begin to explain. I'm just so fed up with everything at home. Lately I feel like I've been failing in the realtionship area. I know I'm not as strong as I used to be and I know that I can only take so much. I hate the fighting and I hate the sudden changes. I'm working on it. I'm getting a job soon and I can't wait. I'll be out of the house and plus I'll be able to save money. I just have a lot on my mind. Moving is the big one. I'm so torn, I don't want to leave my best friend and I don't want to pass up future opportunity. Then again I know that moving might be the best thing. I love Baylee more than anything and I really can't stand the distance. I want nothing more than to have her next to me every night. Plus moving means new opportunity. I'm just scared, I don't want things to fall apart between us and I don't want to move and hate it. I know as long as she stays with me I'll be fine. :)

Grammy's are on.